Friday, September 2, 2011

so. you got a boyfriend yet?

"So. You got a boyfriend yet?"

Such a question was popped unexpectedly by my well-meaning relative at a Christmas gathering.

The year I turned ten.

I was still in the age where boys were playmates, and nothing else. Okay, I was out of the few years where holding hands with the random little son of your mom's friend was normal. That was past me. But...a boyfriend?

I think I didn't even answer, I was so surprised. Sure, I knew about boyfriends. I hated that term then, and I hate it now. In my mind, "boyfriend" looks like a scrawny, childish young man attempting to be romantic by akwardly holding hands with his little "catch." Besides, who wants a boy? Don't you get married to a man?  

Ohhhhh, that's right. Boyfriends are the guys that you kiss and cuddle and send cute texts to, just for fun. You get a new one every year, so just have a week of crying and moping after you break up, and then a new Mr. Hotstuff will come and sweep you off your feet. Whew! Prom was coming up, and it was beginning to look a little bleak!

..Okay, that was a little overboard. Not saying alllll relationships end this way!

...Just the other day, I was talking with a newly-met girl--I'll call her Meghan. She was very sweet and nice, and it was fun spending time with her. Then, she got to telling me about her boyfriend, and how they were so "perfect for each other, got along so well, really loved each other.." etc. She is around sixteen, I believe, so I was like, "Okay, that's neat, maybe this is different." I knew who her boyfriend was, and while I personally wouldn't consider him someone who I would trust/ever DREAM of "going out with," I thought maybe, the way she was talking, this relationship might last. Neither of them are Christians.  

The next day, I heard they had broken up, because the boyfriend had been...un-trustable. Meghan was devastated about it, and I felt a little sorry for her. Then I learned that this was at least her sixth boyfriend--her first was at age eleven (this was said rather proudly), and it would only be a matter of time before Meghan's name would be paired with yet another deserving individual.

In addition, I know at least seven other girls who have the same pattern going on. They "love" their boyfriends so much, and go with them for about six months (the most I've heard of so far is just under a year), and then..BAM! Something happens. He was flirting with another girl. She "just didn't care anymore." But, no matter. A new one for each within the next six months, just in time for Christmas.

What is wrong with our world, people?

No wonder 65% of first marriages fail. 
No wonder divorce rate increased 40% from 1970 to 1975.

Friends, do you realize that love--true love--has become a thing for "old folks?" That five-year-olds are teased about crushes, when they should have a good hold on their innocence for a good ten years?

As daughters--or sons--of our King, I encourage you to take a stand for purity. It does look different, but people respect you for it. I'm not saying it's "wrong" to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm just saying wait until you are sure of your heart, and wait for the Lord to give you direction. Waiting is a dying cause--but we, those who have stumbled and are turning around, or those who have stayed true since the beginning, are the declaration.

We are, we are in desperation. we need to reach this generation, we are speaking louder than before. we are the hope that's been forgotten, we have a love that has been brought & we are speaking louder than before.

(Speaking Louder than Before/Jeremy Camp)

p.s. (just so you know, this was a daring post for me to write. i have lost two followers since publishing it yesterday. all i can say is...thus be it. :)


  1. Oh... hate it when they do that!! "Do you have a boyfriend??" My answer at sixteen is the same as it was at ten: No. :) Great post :).

  2. Thank you so much for this post, Lucia! I totally agree with most of this. However, I do believe that it's OK to "like like" someone and know they "like like" you back. It clears up alot of awkwardness and you can still be friends. But, I still think that you do not need to have a steady "boyfriend" until you are in college. I'm so glad you posted this; I feel like bloggers avoid subjects like this because they feel awkward. Loving your blog. :)

  3. Wow! Great post! As I am getting older, I hear that plenty of times, though usually a differnt version from adults such as "don't get married till you are FORTY!!" just kidding! Wonderful post and I will keep that in mind!
    --Sara Beth

  4. Lucia, great post! I'm proud to say that I have never been on a date and I'm 17. I don not intend to date until I am ready for marriage. Thanks for the reminder that I am not alone in this. Thanks for the the great post. Keep it up. Natasha a modest fashion

  5. I totally agree. One of my friends CONSTANTLY has a boyfriend. They often don't last more than a month. All the guys are complete jerks and none are Christians. I stopped feeling sorry for her after the 5th.
    I mean, it really really makes me sad...*sigh*

  6. awesome & well put ;) I am so waiting & decided that a couple of years ago and I'm hoping & praying my prince charming is waiting as well. xo

  7. I completely agree! In some cases nowadays, it's hard to just, you know, be friends, with a boy. Sometimes just by saying "Hi," people think "Oh! You like him!" ~ I think you know what I mean. In my opinion (I'm fourteen), it's fun being able to be JUST friends with a guy. I guess some people don't really value the word "love" in the right way anymore. (Great post = long comment :P)

  8. This is such a wonderful post, thanks for sharing! :)

  9. i dated. a lot during middle and high school.

    i ended up marrying my first every boyfriend. we met at ages 11 and 13. my first love.

    dating isn't the problem. it's the heart attitude. beautifully written post, lucia. <3

  10. AMEN!!! {<in captitals :)}

    Good heavens! This questions irkes me terribly! I interacted with girls over this summer like that, sending texts to their "boyfriend;" this one girl bragging snobbishly that she always has a boyfriend. Yet, if I am not mistaken, did she not tell me that she had cried her eyes out over a boy who was her "firsts" of everything???

    I met her "newest" boyfriend later this summer {was that her second one this summer?} and he was an awkward fellow indeed. :)

    I'll step off my soapbox now. :)
    Great post, Lucia! I love your purity posts.

    Love ya,

  11. I know, I HATE it when people ask me that.. I know people, like Meghan, who have been dating since they were like eleven, and that is just NUTS. More people need to stand up for what's right..

    WONDERFUL post, Lucia:)

    Blessings in Christ,

  12. Amen sister, preach it! :) Great post, Lucia!

  13. Having just read When God Writes Your Love Story, I have a bunch of girlfriend/boyfriend thoughts running through my head, so get ready for a long post, friend! ;)

    Having a boyfriend at our age is just plain stupid. What are you going to do: get your parents to drive you to your dates? Awkward, ha! Sure, there's the romantic side of things, but let's face it...guys our age just havent grown up yet! Even Christian guys just arent as mature as some.

    Amazingly, all the guy friends I have HAVE girlfriends...and their girlfriends are some of my best friends!! that's the key in my opinion: be friends. also? my motto is: "just because you like someone doesn't mean you have to do anything about it." I mean, seriously. If I decided to date everyone I thought was cute or just a great guy, I'd totally be in trouble, haha!

    So yeah, that's my unabridged thoughts on the matter. :)

  14. YAY!! Someone still has SENSE! I turned 15 yesterday and I don't have a boyfriend...and I haven't ever had a boyfriend. So...what's wrong with me? Nothing! Half of my friends say, "Oh, I went out with so-and-so when I was ten..." PLEASE wait until you're older! :) I love your boyfriend-girlfriend purity posts.

  15. Great post, Lucia!!! :)

  16. How true! If only young ladies would keep their heart pure and wait upon the Lord... how beautiful is the thought of a young lady has given her whole heart to her husband ALL the days of her life....

    Thank you for sharing these sweet thoughts!

    In Christ,

  17. All's I got to say, is AMEN SISTER!
    it feels good to meet another person with the same opinions, go here please :]

  18. I agree!!

    I don't think it's a sin to have a boyfriend, but it just annoys me with the shallowness of the dating game. The "I'm so in love" on day and the "oh i hate him" the next day.

    For a girl who plans on staying pure until marriage, what's the point of dating/courting until you're ready for marriage? Because you'll only put yourself in a place where you'll be tempted.

    Just my thoughts:)

  19. Hi Lucia! I LOVED this post! I get sad when I hear my little cousins teasing each other about classmates in a boyfriend/girlfriend way. Can't they just be friends with everyone, boys and girls? These kids are missing out on great friendships that are now turned into something awkward. Sorry for the rant! :) Anyway, hang on girls! I'm turning 20 in two months, and I haven't had a 'boyfriend' yet! I get asked the question too, lots! I'll be honest, I've had guys I was interested in, one this past year that I was thinking might just be Mr. Right. Turns out, after much prayer whether he was 'the one' or not, I was clearly shown he is not the one, at least not now. He is a super nice guy, and I am happy to say we are still good friends! That's what's great about keeping quiet and patient, waiting for God's hand in the matter, no one gets hurt. Hope this can be a little comfort to someone! Keep up the great blog, Lucia, it's my favorite!
    Love, Heidi

  20. Just have to comment again. You are so right, Grace! I feel the same, it isn't wrong to have a boyfriend, if you approach it in the right way. I think we should take our time, and really pray hard about the situation. Talk to our parents and other mature people we trust. He may be the right one, but is it the right time? If we feel that this is God's will for us at this time in our lives, then I think we should go ahead!
    Just my thoughts!

  21. When I saw this post's title I clicked it, I knew I had hit a jewel. I am 12 and this makes so much sence to me. I know that when I grow older this will mean alot to me.

  22. Great post Lucia! I don't think that dating in high school is wrong at all... but if a high school aged guy and girl are to date, then I believe that they need to set pyhsical boundaries for the relationship.
    At times I have wanted a boyfriend, but I am going to be a senior in high school this year and have never dated. :-) All in God's timing!

    xoxo Miss ALK

  23. I agree! Once when I was, oh, about 12, one of my dad's "acquaintances" ask why my boyfriend wasn't here helping, that was one of those moments where I was like "Errrrrr........ Sir. I'm 12." I don't think he understood.

    Thanks for writing this Lucia!!! And who ever doesn't like it, that's a shame.

    ♥ Johanna

  24. i totally agree! you've hit it right on the mark, lucia!
    and i'm sorry that some people don't agree, and that you've lost two followers because of it, but keep it up : )
    what you're doing is really encouraging ♥
    Love Holly xoxo

  25. Grace put it just as I think, "For a girl who plans on staying pure until marriage, what's the point of dating/courting until you're ready for marriage? Because you'll only put yourself in a place where you'll be tempted.".

    SO true!!

    I don't want to give a million tiny pieces of my heart a way to guys I really, honestly don't care for, and only have a small sliver left for the guy I marry. Nope, not for me.

  26. Hey girl,

    I gave you an award on my blog:)

    In Christ,

  27. Wonderful post!

    I think we've got to remember it's not about whether or not you should date in High School. I know a wonderful lady from our church who met her husband in Grade 7, and they dated in Grade 11 and 12. (I don't think people should date before they turn 16).

    It's not about whether you date in your last couple years of High school or wait until's about if it's the right time. Is this person SERIOUSLY a contender for marriage? Are you SERIOUSLY in a place where you could upkeep a relationship? It's a serious subject, and it should only be answered with much prayer and seeking God.

    And you may sense that no, it's not time yet. Or you may sense it is. The point is to be very discerning about the process and never be the kind of girl who dates a boy every second week.

    But get real here. We're looking for princes, aren't we? And princes don't stroll around everywhere. So if we make sure we only date princes, it's impossible to have a million dating relationships, because princes are few and far between.

    It's about whether this is the right person or not, and whether God intends for you to go forward. A good indicator is making a 10 Standards for my Future Husband list. Think of your must haves...things you couldn't do without in a husband. Then evaluate any guy you are interested against it. This can be the greatest way to defer yourself from dating before it's right.

    I'm fifteen, heading into tenth grade. I have never had a boyfriend. I will never have a boyfriend until I am at least in Grade 11 (16 yrs old). But just because I can have one in Grade 11, doesn't mean I will. It's all in God's timing...and all about WHO the guy is. Because the kind of guy I'm looking will likely only come once in a lifetime :)

  28. I'm 19 years old and my answer is "Nope, no boyfriend". I don't want to have a relationship with a guy until we're ready to head toward marriage.

    I commend you for having the courage to post this. It's true!


  29. I so agree with you! Young people need to be preparing their hearts for the one...not giving bits and pieces away to many.

    P.S. I don't mean to be pushy, but I sent you a message on Facebook that needs to be answered soon...I won't have internet the latter part of next week. Thanks!

  30. I agree with this post! :) I do not think you have to have a boyfriend, that's for sure. But I also think it's okay to kind of like someone. ;)


  31. Lucia, all I can say is; since reading your post you have gained one follower,and that's me!

    Great thoughts! Keep up the posts!

    In Christ,

  32. Thank you so much for this post Lucia! It was so encouraging. Good for you being brave and not ashamed to be "different". I just finished a book with my sisters about purity and it was really good. And then to read your post and see how there are other girls out there who understand how precious we are in God's sight and who aren't ashamed to share that with the world. I was super encouraged. :D Thank you!

  33. Hey, I have to say that this post really encouraged me!! Thanks for talking about this stuff!

    They always want to ask *how many* boyfriends I have. D: and when I reply "none!" they confuse it with "nine" and the conversation goes downhill from there. :P

  34. Wonderful post Lucia, I totally agree. Did you get my email about my winning your giveaway? I've tried several times now. Please let me know!

    Thanks :)

  35. Preach it, sista! You've got your head screwed on right(:

  36. I was so encouraged by this post, dear friend! Purity is very important to me, and I know that God will bring the right person in His perfect timing!
    I am amazed at how early relationships are starting in these days... There is definitely a certain maturity that needs to grow inside of a person before they can step into a relationship!
    Thank you for the wonderful post, Lucia. Some people may consider it daring, but what it really is... The truth! :)

    Many Blessings,

  37. Ugh. I hate that. My extended family thinks I'm a total wacko because I'm in high school and I STILL don't have a boyfriend. I've never dated, never been kissed, and I've never even held hands with a boy.

    To be honest, I really don't want a boyfriend at the moment. Most boys are very immature. (trust me! I know quite a few christian and non-christian boys and almost 99.5% of them are immature!)

    I want to do something with my life before I meet that special someone. I want to go to Mexico on a mission trip, I want to visit Europe and New York City. Don't get me wrong, I want more then anything else to meet that special man, but I'm willing to wait so that when I DO meet the one, I'll be able to give him everything I have. Not just a piece of my heart.

    Have there been guys interested in me? Yes. TONS. It seems like everywhere I go a guy checks me out. And it doesn't even matter what I wear really. But, my point is, it doesn't matter how many times I get asked out, I'm not dating. And some guys just don't get that!

    It's SO nice to know that I'm not the only one! Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it. And to be honest, I get discouraged very easily. But God always sends me a reminder, (like this post!) that it IS worth it to wait!

    Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful post Lucia! I don't always comment on your blog, but I want you to know that I read every post! :)

  38. Oh, you are so much wiser than the 16 year olds I know! I completely agree with everything you said! =) Thank you for posting your opinions on such a crucial subject in today's world... it is worth losing a couple followers. =)

    Thank you!

  39. I for one am proud of you for posting what you felt God was leading you to even though you knew that there are people who will strongly disagree with your stand!

    It is sooo wonderful to see young women my age and younger standing up for purity and for their King, thank you!!


  40. This is my first time reading your blog (found it through a friend) and I have to say I like a lot of what you have to say - however, don't rule out people you meet when you're younger as future husbands. I met my husband at age 9 and we started "liking each other" around the time I was 14. We've trusted on God throughout our relationship and it hasn't always been easy, but Praise the Lord we've been married over a year now and still going strong! :)
    God bless you in your work for Him!

  41. That is SOOO right Lucia! It is good to see girls with my beliefs. As for the followers who left, they are missing out.

    In Him, Ireland

  42. Lucia,
    Your right on with this post!!!

    Thank You SO much for writing about this subject!!!
    ~ This is a topic that needs to be more highly appreciated/blogged about!!!

  43. This is a great post! You go, girl!(:

  44. *Sigh* THIS is a tough subject to post about, isn't it? Although I do have a boyfriend, I agree with what you have shared.

    My boyfriend & I have been together for over a year now. My Mama was very committed to all of us doing courtship, but honestly I don't think my Daddy really knew what he believed.

    One day I was singing at a benefit auction and after I finished, I ended up sitting next to a young man who was playing with my little sister. I honestly didn't think anything of him at the beginning of the night. After talking to him for awhile, I was starting to get the hint that he was interested; not that he flirted alot but he certainly asked alot of questions. Haha Turned out he was 16 years old, came from a broken home (his parents are divorced and married to other people), he's always gone to church where his Uncle pastors but never had both parents to support him. He was quite the sweet guy and loved my little siblings. After talking for awhile, he asked me for my phone number. I froze up! My older sister (who now doesn't live with us, due to many reasons) kept pushing me into giving me my number, so I did. I told my Mama, who wasn't exactly thrilled but she said if he calls we'll take it a step at a time.

    He started calling me almost a week later, getting to know me better and learning more about my family. Then about a month after that, he started coming over to visit us. I'm not really sure at what point we became "boyfriend & girlfriend", but I think we both knew the day we met, we were gonna be together.

    Although we are dating, I don't think our dating is as liberal as most modern couples. We don't just do whatever we want & we both intend to get married, raise a family and live for the Lord.

    So not ALL relationships are on and off constantly. And not every girl with a boyfriend started dating when she was 11 and changes her boyfriend every week. Haha Some young relationships DO work, with faith, commitment, support and morals.

    Beautiful post, dear. Very thought pondering.

    -Rachel Lynn <3

  45. Lucia, what a lovely post! I have many friends, Christian and non-Christian, who have had multiple boy/girlfriends, and it breaks my heart to see them so distressed after a break up. I think it's so sad that we are expected to act 'loose' and freely give away our love. I am 18 now, and have never been on a date, I don't feel I've missed anything to be honest. Modern dating instills the habit of giving up and quitting whenever a relationship gets tough, which is why the divorce rates are climbing I guess. Very sad.
    But it's so nice to find a like minded young lady. I live in bit of a Spiritual deadtown; there are very few Christian girls around. Your blog is so encouraging! <3

  46. Oh, Lucia... how encouraging. You and I have been through... well, let's say, many of the same experiences. I have never been on a date; and have no regrets (and yes, I've been through the stares, etc.=P It may hurt, but I know it is so worth it in the long run!)- and I am the most romantic girl on the block, believe me;)

    It just breaks my heart when friends
    celebrate their "anniversaries" for a year and a half!; and they're only barely sixteen... the hard part is, is that many young ladies are emotionally attached... and it's super-duper hard to take back that piece of one's heart.

  47. Lucia, I think I accidentally hit 'publish' when I didn't mean to, so just in case, thank you so much for this post! And blessings! <3

    Love in our Abba,

  48. Thanks for this post.
    I'm almost twenty-four and I've never dated and don't intend to until I'm married. I don't think I have missed out either!

    In Christ, Gretchen

  49. This comment has been removed by the author.


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